Hidden inside a bazaar, off the beaten track, in an adventurous land far from civilization, where the paths are thick with dense vegetation and an ancient temple can be seen in the distance, one can meet the self-proclaimed “Doctor of Jungle Medicine,” Colonel Nedley Lostmore.
He has, in fact, lost more than most of us since all that remains is his head … his shrunken head.
Despite this seemingly insurmountable dilemma, the good doctor (known to the natives as “Shrunken Ned”) dispenses medical advice for up to 16 hours a day depending on his mood and the season.
It’s not free, though, and he’s quite up front about that—until you part with two bits he won’t even look at you.
To see the wooden contraption that is Shrunken Ned, you’d think it was built in the late 1950s or early 60s, and has been at Disneyland for most of the park’s existence. But while one group of The Walt Disney Company’s Imagineers were busy developing the most sophisticated ride in the history of the park, “Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye,” another group designed a retro coin-op machine that, like so many of its fortune-telling ancestors, dispenses a card of wisdom (of a sort) at the end. He’s been the sole medical practitioner in this corner of the jungle since 1995.
So, while Colonel Nedley Lostmore has only occupied his little spot in the South Sea Traders shop for 22 years, it seems like he’s always been there.
Why is he such a popular MD? For one thing, he does not suffer fools and if you’re an idiot, he’ll tell you. He’s snarky. He likes bad puns. The medical advice he tenders “below” is more likely to kill you than save you, but as far as doctors go, he’s cheap. Dirt cheap. Two bits, remember? The Doctor will see you now …
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